good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
