All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
