She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
