I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
