so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
