guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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