That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
