I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
