I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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