The maid of honor just puked.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
