the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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