is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
