so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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