I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
