I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
