Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
