I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
