Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
