You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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