You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
