everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize