so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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