Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
