you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
