if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
