I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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