If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just threw up on my dentist
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
