Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
