dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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