We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
