I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
