My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
