so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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