I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
