You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
