What did we do last night that was yellow?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
