i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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