oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
