I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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