She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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