So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
