Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
