wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
