i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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