Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
