So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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