My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
