i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had sex on a roof
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
