I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
