Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
