Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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