Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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