and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
