You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
